Help

I am sitting here alone,with a loud mind,
and a dark soul.
Begging for everything;
for death,
for life,
for happiness.

As my mind spins,
my souls sinks,
in the darkness of my thoughts,
which eat me up inside.

I feel the death inside my mind,
my soul cries for the blade,
is it just a hollow cry,
or the desire to live in sky?


ok, Stina, please do tell me whether this is really a cry for help because if it is I'll respond differerently of course... but if it's a poem ABOUT a cry for help, I think you can do better. Do you see that a lot of it's abstract? meaning, you're not letting a reader in to really picture the feelings. Remember that video poem that Katie showed us? Think about the some of the specifics there--the ways he captured the details of his emotional journey...